Otherways- Fiction Fanatics

An encouraging word is perhaps the cheapest medicine in the world, at least it ranks right up there with laughter. Somehow, though, it seems that genuine encouragement is one of the scarcest things on the planet. The people that should be able to give it best are often the ones most conspicuously absent when it is most needed.

I’m not even sure how to tally the cost of discouragement. Degrees that don’t get earned, dreams that get abandoned, novels and art that never get created, and the worst one of all: people who become so discouraged in themselves that they give up entirely, succumbing to depression and suicide.

It may not make any difference, but I feel it is time someone explained what encouragement really is. Some people, and I see this often at horse and stock shows, think encouragement is applauding people when they win. To tell you the truth, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with that. If you’ve met your goals and done something amazing, you deserve to have someone recognize that with you, to celebrate your victories. But that isn’t what encouragement really looks like.

You see, the path to the winner’s circle, whether you are showing horses or writing novels, is very rarely a straight one. It doesn’t follow that if you work hard, you will win, because there are a lot of other people out there that want that prize just as much as you do. Getting good at anything requires incremental progress, daily effort, and climbing back up after a hell of a lot of setbacks. Some days, self-doubt, fear, or simple exhaustion can make it seem like what you want to do is impossible, even for people that don’t suffer from depression or other issues.

That’s when the genuine support of family or friends can make all the difference in the world.

Genuine support doesn’t tell a person that they are already perfect at their chosen field, because that’s a lie. Not even the best of the best are perfect, or you wouldn’t see Olympic gold medalists practicing for hours. Real support is the person that truly listens to your dreams and your fears, and helps you see the progress you are making, even when you can’t see it yourself. However they can, these people will try to help you succeed.They may push you to keep going, even when you’re ready to quit, because they know how much your dreams mean to you. They are present, whenever possible, for your successes and your flat out failures, and they believe in you no matter what.

That said, there are a few things a real supporter doesn’t do, and I mean ever. They do not make fun of your dreams. They do not berate you for failing, or belittle your efforts. They don’t judge you for having dreams that aren’t the same as theirs, or for having goals that aren’t easy to show off to the neighbors. Most of all, they don’t ignore you.

Expecting any person to do this all the time and never fail is like expecting to win every contest you ever enter. It’s foolish and unrealistic, and you set yourself up to be disappointed. People are human, they will have bad or distracted days, and even when those coincide with our low moments, we can’t hold them against others. Fact is, we’re every bit as human as they are.

Everyone deserves at least one person that really supports them. If you can’t find that person, then at least try to be that person.

Cheers,

Michelle