Otherways- Fiction Fanatics

I know what you’re thinking. Ducks are cute, cuddly stars of children’s books and hardly worth reading about, especially for those of us interested in science fiction, horror or fantasy. Honestly, I never really thought that much about ducks until I owned some. We fed ducks at the local parks when my kids were little, owned any number of floating rubber duck bath toys, and spent hours looking for the hidden duck in Usborne books.

It’s probably a good thing that I didn’t know then what ducks were really like.

First off, picture books give you the mistaken idea that ducks operate on a nuclear family model. Mom quietly sits on a nest of eggs while dad wanders worriedly about nearby, until a nest of adorable fluffy ducklings emerge and they all trundle off to the pond. Unlike swans and geese, ducks are hardly monogamous. In fact, if you want to get anthropomorphic about it, they’re rapists.

It isn’t at all unusual for two or three males to gang up on a single female. Since mating tends to happen in the water, this can lead to injury or death. If there aren’t any willing (or unwilling) ducks handy, the drakes will target whatever roughly “right shape, right size” creature comes near them, as many people who keep small mixed flocks of birds can vouch for.

Right now you’re probably thinking the same thing I was when we first read all those myths about Zeus, especially the one where he turns into a swan to rape some girl. Birds just aren’t equipped, as they lack a penis. I had absolutely no idea, but apparently 3% of avian species actually do come, well, endowed. And this is what makes them rapists.

No, I haven’t just become a violent feminist, but there really is some truth to this. You see, the goal of mating is to pass on your genes to the next generation as effectively as possible. Male ducks take no part in raising their offspring, so their only option is to mate with as many girls as possible. If force is what it takes, force is what they use. Chickens, who are not graced with such embellishments, have evolved a method to deal with the rapist male: the female can simply eject any sperm she deems unacceptable.

Drakes also are some of the most well-endowed creatures on the planet, with their elaborate branched organs sometimes reaching the length of their own bodies. If that weren’t weird enough, the organs themselves basically disappear when it isn’t breeding season. No one has an answer (that I could find, anyway) as to why this kind of thing happens, but the bizarre size and configuration did lead to some interesting questions, “Why in God’s name?” being chief among them.

Turns out that the female duck has been in an ongoing evolutionary battle of the sexes. Females also want to pass on their genes to the next generation, and doing that means they only want the best genes fertilizing the eggs they’re about to slave over. In a world where as many as one in three matings are rapes, how exactly can she exercise her choice? Apparently by evolving an oviduct (bird equivalent of a vagina) with false chambers, odd pockets, and spirals, which allows them to store and eject any sperm she doesn’t like. Turns out to be an effective method, and 97% of the fertilized eggs are by the male of their choice. I’m not really sure how the researchers know which guy she preferred, but I doubt there was a survey involved.

This little power struggle has been going on for some time, long enough that both parties have evolved extreme, oversized, and ridiculously complicated generative systems. I would have thought simply learning to be more charming would have been a better strategy for the males, but what do I know?

Anyway, just a little food for thought next time you start tossing treats to the little sex-offenders.

Cheers,

Michelle