Otherways- Fiction Fanatics

Just for fun, I wanted to give everyone something free they could enjoy. So here's this stunningly inaccurate hororscope you can definitely use.

Aries: Due to the angle of the moon, you'll find that working toward your goals is effective today. Of course, this might actually have nothing to do with a celestial hunk of rock, and everything to do with hard work. The moon, however, is gorgeous, so it is going to hog all the credit as usual. You may also find that working with people is far more effective than working against them today. And you may, or may not, experience a passionate romantic interlude. If you do, you can bet it is entirely the moons fault, trust me on this.

Taurus: You poor hedonistic sod, there really isn't a lot I can say that will cheer you up. Cows get chopped up into little bits and made into burgers, and that's more or less where you're headed today. Though advised against it, Venus has entered the House of Usher, and while I haven't the foggiest what exactly that will mean, I can tell you it won't be good. You may be tempted to start a new project today, or kindle a romance. Don't. Just Don't. 

Gemini: Because of the influence of Jupiter ascending, travel is the order of the day. Preferable very fast travel, across international borders, to a non-extradition country. The obscuring influence of Jupiter should be of some aid in hiding the bodies, but don't trust that influence the last.

Cancer: The stars have aligned against you. No, they didn't say why, they just formed up into an angry mob and are headed your way with torches and a tub of butter. Personally, I think hiding out in a nice friendly nebula for a few thousand years may be the only way to smooth this over. Sorry, sport.

Leo: Knowledge of your amazing beauty and prowess has reached every corner of the universe, somehow granting you immunity from most common inconveniences. Unlike other signs, you will always find a close parking space, barbecue sauce will have no effect on your silk ties, and your life will be filled with rainbows and fuzzy bunnies, right up until the other signs get fed up with you and remove your insufferable ego from the world. Be especially leery of Gemini.

Virgo: Not only is little Mercury in retrograde, it's lost its planetary status, so it's in a pretty foul mood.Under its influence, you may find your usually level headed virginal self in a seedy bar somewhere, with sailors. Be forewarned that Mercury doesn't handle his alcohol well, and unless you'd like to wake up tommorrow considerably less virginal and sporting a brand new tattoo, you should probably leave the party before midnight. As an alternative, you can always spend the night internet trolling, and work out your bad mood on innocent strangers.

Libra: The scales of justice may be your provence, but right now your are weighing in heavily on another kind of scales altogether. Saturn is making its enormous influence felt, and that means you may need to loosen your belt a notch or three. Sure, exercise and moderation would help, but the stars have spoken, and you're gaining at least three pounds today, so you may as well order the damn cheesecake.

Scorpio: Up until eleven in the morning, you're scheduled to be having a great day. No, really, I'm serious. Pitch that presentation, ask that hottie out, buy that lottery ticket. Just know that after eleven you'll be on fire. Literally, on fire. Like spontaneous human combustion fire. Sorry about that, but the sun enters your house at eleven, and sharing a flat with a giant ball of flaming gas just isn't a brilliant idea,

Sagittarius: The heavens have pretty much abandoned you. Look, they've been giving you all this awesome advice pretty much every day of your life, and you've spurned their gifts. If you'd listened faithfully, you could have won the Nobel Prize, twice. But you chose to ignore their words of wisdom and now they've washed their hands of you. On the plus side, you weren't paying any attention anyway, so I doubt you'll notice.

Capricorn: Mars is moving into your sky sector, and bringing with it a warlike attitude and a vague smell of gymsocks. Due to its influence, you should be particularly careful in how you address people in authority, significant others, and the neighbor's pomeranian. You may also want to invest in a case or two of Febreeze. On a good note, Mars' warlike nature will help you kick butt in your favorite MMORPG.

Aquarius: Absolutely nothing is happening in your section of the sky tonight. Don't think this is a good thing, however. Space is mostly empty vacuum, and vacuums suck. What this lack of celestial activity means for you is that your life will also suck, at least until you find something to fill it up. I would suggest getting a fish, but I saw the dead houseplant in your trash. And today would be a good day to return those overdue movies you're hoarding.

Pisces: You can never quite make your mind up about anything, can you? Now that Neptune has crossed the meridian, there is definitely something fishy going on. Second guess yourself, hesitate, and by all means procrastinate. It's okay, that's what the stars advise. Then again, the planets are telling you to act boldly, have some backbone, and seize the moment. Guess you might have to suck it up and make a decision on your own.

Just remember, all this is for entertainment purposes only, and full refunds of your purchase price are available if you feel the advice wasn't suitable.

Cheers,

Michelle